to me it seems as if damon has become even more, posh, vain, and cocky ever since . . . missy was born. oh excuse me, damon becomes and dad, dave's already a dad, alex. . . God only knows what he's doing, and me? well, my life is nothing special. anna (my Swedish bitch . . . oh i mean girlfriend) has been driving me insane to the point where i threaten to kill myself. (mocking) "oh no graham sweetie i'm sorry, live the way you'd like." then leave me the hell alone.

i got a new cat, no no i didn't name is bastard but he's cute anyway. as dave said "the cat people are the strangest," yeah i think we all figured that out when we met you dave. everybody has their stories to tell. mine are songs, filled with a love that i never met and never will meet. unfortunately anna isn't it. well anyway i'll start with a story as damon said and i quote "love found and lost but not forgotten," of course it's a fucking love story what else?

bleak january (or should i begin when i was born? no? all right) bleak january and all i did was stay in bed. my girlfriend kept yelling at me to get up, but i was depressed for a reason or another and told her off, which got her pissed and she left and didn't return until 18.30.

"where have you been?" i mumble still lying on my back in my bed.

"out doing something and not lying in bed" she snapped.

"oh excuse me fairy princess, why dont i bow down at your knees and kiss your feet for accomplishing something today," i said sarcastic.

"oh please you wouldnt do that if your life depended on it," she said.

"so you want me to sometime in my lifetime? i see" i pondered on.

"i didnt say that!" she yelled.

"but you were assuming it!" i sat up in bed.

"whatever you say graham," she said and left the room.

"all right anna you go do that!" i yelled at her.

"i've had enough of your laziness and thinking 'oh i'm the king of the world" she yelled.

"what the hell are you doing?" i looked at her packing her stuff.

"leaving." she said.

"i want my keys back tomorrow drop them in the mailbox," i said lying back down.

"is that it?!"

"yeah."

she yelled and left slamming the door behind.

single life and how does it feel? absolutely wonderful! i've never been happier in my life, and no my childhood years dont count, damon was around bugging me to death. no no this is the most wonderful time of my life. i think i'll put out another album with or without damon's permission. this time instead of sad lonely love songs, i'll write rage songs against anna to tell the world what an idiot she was. swedish, she was blonde no wonder. cant say much for dave but he's a guy . . . at least i hope.

making myself a cup of tea i lie down on my bed and ponder on the fact of life. wait . . . was there any fact of life in my pathetic life (so far) if you want to call it that. black and white pictures have no meaning, just make you guess at what colour everything is. colour pictures have no meaning either, just make you want to say, "hey i wonder what this'll look like in black and white." it's the equivalent of saying "hey i wonder what would happen if damon was never born!" maybe my life would be better making art and not music. but music is art so i guess i'm satisfied either way with or without damon.

12.30 and nobody has called to even see if i'm alive. preferably i really dont care if anybody calls . . . all right so i do but hey i'm a likable guy dave or damon will be calling any minute. i'd rather die before alex calls. well, you know we used to be best friends, now it's like . . . i dont know. i'm bad at this stuff.

"anna?" i say hearing something at the door.

"no graham it's me dave."

"oh okay come in dave."

"you left your keys at my house yesterday while we were working on those remixes." he said and dropped them on the table near the door, "i got to go anyway paula's been getting on my nerves about being out all the time." he closed the door gently behind. all right so i'm along again. damn.

all right i hate to admit this but i do need anna back or somebody to take care of me. i've been having to go over dave's house every single day almost for food. then dave got pissed told me off and told me to go fuck with suzi and damon since that's all they seem to ever want to do.

"go screw around with damon or suzi i dont care!" he yells, "just get out! i'm sick and tired of every single day coming over at the exact time 'oh look there's graham . . . again!' just go fuck yourself graham. get anna back i dont care."

nice guy isnt he? he really cares for me the dirty fucker. wandering over damon's house i think, 'wonder what he's doing? oh yeah screwing suzi.' why do i even bother asking myself these questions when i already know the answer to them. damon was real nice as well to me.

"fuck off graham! all you do is criticize me in front of suzi dave and alex all the time, and embarrass me constantly! go home graham go find anna and fuck her! i dont care. just leave me alone!"

and we used to be such great friends. yeah . . . whatever. i really dont care. damon's a fucker as well. and i mean that literally.

"wanker!" some oasis fan yells.

"shut up you fucking oasis fan i'll kick your ass!"

why can't i meet a reasonable girl that's pretty, intelligent and i say again INTELLIGENT, smart, pretty, which i already mentioned, damnit. i should steal dave's wife, she's a computer engineer. hehe, great but she's 34. um . . . and she has a daughter. why why why? oh well i'm happy, well sort of and i love single life. no wonder alex looks content with everything all the time. wait he's not single, isnt he with . . . oh justine. excuse me.

dave dave dave what an intelligent freak. freak freak freak. all he does is sit at his God damn computer and animates. He says he is a "pedestrian" on the Internet all right dave whatever you say.

dave, graham, alex . . . (shutters) damon. what's in a name. by which we call a rose would smell as sweet. all right that was my shakesphere for today. phone call.

"yeah graham coxon speaking how may i abuse you?"

"how may i abuse you? um . . . speaking terms i dont know, physically-"

"what do you want alex?" God why him!?

"nothing, how's anna?"

"shut-up"

"she left you didnt she?" he asks.

"no."

i hang up the phone rudely and decide to lie down and think for a while.

To whoever cares enough to read this-

I have thought thru this many times before and now that Anna's gone and all my band members hate me, I decide to leave. No it's not suicide I'm leaving London. I'm settling down in Australia and starting a new life. God only knows, maybe I'll find someone smart and pretty down under. *Sigh* to the world. I say 'This is Graham Leslie Coxon I'll see ya around.'

Yours in state of mind and ESP, Graham L. Coxon

"hello graham?" some girl says.

"yeah how many i abuse you," i yawned.

"um . . . how should i answer that," she said to herself, " verbally. i found this note on the ground."

"you should liverpollish if that is a word."

"i was born in colchester actually," she said.

i looked up now to my amazement to see a gorgeous girl standing right in front of me.

"my gosh," i almost shouted.

"what?"

"you're . . . you're gorgeous." i said.

she shook her head and laughed.

"you are," i said.

"anyway here's the note. i hope you'll reconsider staying in london. i really like your art work. it's fascinating." she said handing me the note and walking towards the door.

"what's your name?" i yell.

"i'm surprised. all great artists should know other artist." she said and left.

"sophie cortest." i whisper, "wait!" i got up and ran towards the door flinging it open and hitting myself in the head.

"are you okay?" she ask.

"yeah i'm fine," i say sitting down on my steps now.

she walk over to be and put one hand on mine and the other pushing my hair back from my face.

"put some ice on it sweetheart that's a nasty looking bump. what's 7 times 7?"

"59?"

"subtract ten."

"48?"

"you're fine." she said.

"stay."

well you can guess what we did. no we didnt have sex damnit! i'm not a sex craving maniac like alex. she stayed and talked to me for a while.

~Flash back~

"You look dazed and confused? what's wrong graham?" she asked

it back together." i replied.

"well what happened?" she sat down now.

"shit."

"more than one word descriptions please." she smiled.

"um. . . my band members hate me."

"that's it?" she said.

"yeah."

"why?"

"cos i pissed them off." i said.

"how?"

"i dont know. what is this a 60 Minute interview where you bother the living hell out of me?"

she back away now.

"sorry." she whispered.

i came closer to her and said, "sorry i didnt me to offend you." i pushed back her hair now to see her smiling.

"it's all right."

i leaned over with my hand on her cheek, i kissed her lips, but then i was rudely interrupted by a damn knock at my fucking door.

"bloody hell!" i screamed getting up and going over to see who's there.

"what?! . . .anna?"

"hi graham." she said.

"what are you doing here?"

"i came back."

"no. . ." i whispered.

"no what?" she said.

"look anna, we know we both deserve better. it's not going to work out."

"all right." she said. she handed me my keys and left.

i walked back to the kitchen and sat back down.

"was that your currant girlfriend graham?" sophie asked.

"currant? well yeah i had more and. . . why you want to be the next?" i raised my eyebrows now.

she laughed of course and shook her head.

"you're very sweet graham . . . "she started. oh no whenever a girl gives you a compliment it means she has something not so good to say after.

"you have a boyfriend right?"

"no absolutely not," she replied, "i was going to say you could pick me up at 19.00."

i smiled and said all right.